


Fire Inside the Silence

by riverscape



Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29490036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riverscape/pseuds/riverscape
Summary: Takumi encounters a boy named Ren on the rooftop of his new high school, ...and the strange rumours surrounding him.
Relationships: Kawanishi Takumi/Kawashiri Ren, Kawashiri Ren & Kono Junki
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The idea of moving to a new city scares Takumi at first.

The idea of moving to a new city scares Takumi at first.

Although the transfer from the old middle school to his new high school proceeds smoothly, much to his relief, being the fresh face doesn’t sit very well with him. It turns out that many first years already knew each other from their previous high school; Takumi is the odd one out among the existing cliques of friends.

He doesn’t know anyone.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), his fresh face attracts too much attention.

So many people approach him on the day he transfers into the school. While he does not have any trouble making friends, Takumi is the introverted type who takes his time observing the people around him before plunging into a new friendship. To experience that so many people were interested in him is overwhelming to say the least. He tries his best to get along, his classmates are nice, and he likes them too, but by the end of the week he hits his breaking point.

Takumi needs a moment of peace.

For that reason, he steps out of class during lunch and decides to head to the rooftop, trying to shake off his new friends. They follow him around until they reach the staircase.

Strangely enough, the footsteps cease behind him and one of the boys speaks out.

“You sure you wanna go up there?”

Takumi turns to look at his classmates. They stood frozen by the door of the hallway.

“What?”

“Because Kawashiri is usually up there.”

Kawashiri?

“Who’s that?”

They exchange glances.

“Um, he’s in the dance club,” a girl says, “a second year.”

“I don’t understand,” Takumi says.

The boy next to her grimaces.

“You better be careful.”

Takumi frowns at the warning, but they do not bother to explain any further. One of them evades an explanation and instead invites him downstairs to the canteen, but Takumi is in no mood to mingle in a busy place.

“I’m sorry, I just need some fresh air and clear my head. I’ll see you guys back in class.”

His classmates finally take the hint and give up on making Takumi stay.

He continues upwards to the rooftop, wondering why they are so intent on not letting him meet that second-year student.

And what exactly is so dangerous about a dance club?

Before opening the door, he can hear the muffled sound of music playing on a mobile phone, and after turning the handle and pushing the door open, Takumi is met with the sight of a dancing boy.

The boy’s hair is dyed in a striking blue, almost blue-silver, and his figure is slim, clothed in black gym wear. While slowly moving across to the railing on the left side, Takumi remains fixated on the way the boy carries himself. He performed an elegant and yet powerful dance, beautiful to behold, and Takumi almost thanks himself for ignoring his classmates down there.

Halfway the distance, their eyes meet.

The boy stops his dance, pausing in the middle of pulling open his jacket with his slender fingers. He continues to gaze at the newcomer.

Takumi evades his intense stare and resumes his walk to the railing, where he sits down with his lunch box. He feels slightly embarrassed to be stared at so much.

“You must be new here.”

A surprisingly light voice.

Takumi gazes up at the boy, whose expression is neutral. He doesn’t sense anything dangerous about the other despite what was said about him.

“How do you know?”

A thin smile appears on his lips.

“Everyone who approaches me has been warned.”

“You’re Kawashiri.”

“Yeah, I’m Kawashiri Ren,” the boy says, “You don’t care?”

“Why should I care?” Takumi says. “I just want to be left alone. Everyone’s been bothering me.”

Ren hums a bit.

“Yeah, I can see why,” he says.

Takumi flushes and involuntarily looks down.

He can never get used to people complimenting his looks, not to mention a fellow schoolmate he never met before. He hardly knows what to say at these moments.

So embarrassing.

He wants to retort, but when Takumi looks up, Ren is already gone.

* * *

Later, his classmates surround Takumi in class after his return from the rooftop. Despite their earlier warning, they appear overly eager to know what had happened between Takumi and that mysterious senior.

“Did you talk to Kawashiri?”

Takumi frowns at them.

Their conversation is none of their business.

“No?” he says, “He was just dancing.”

“But what else did he do?”

“He left after I arrived.”

His classmates exchange glances

“Oh. Okay.”

Sensing their disappointment, Takumi can’t help but be curious.

“Why are you guys so afraid of him?”

“Well… He might be part of a gang.”

His eyes widen.

“But he doesn’t look like that at all.”

“Really?” Another boy says. “Have you seen his face?”

“He looks mean,” a girl says, “People say they’ve seen those same eyes in the dark alleys.”

However, the conversation continues among his classmates, and Takumi can only listen and be amazed.

It turns out that all kinds of rumours are swirling around the boy named Kawashiri Ren. Ren is in a schoolyear above them, so all they know is gossip from their seniors and the kids who roam the darker parts of the city. The rumours range from Ren being a member of a local street gang to even being its gang leader who wears a peculiar disguise.

The claims sound horribly exaggerated, but Ren’s reticent behaviour at school doesn’t do him any favours either. He isn’t proactive in making friends but is usually dragged around by his childhood friend Kono Junki, who made him join the school’s dance club. From what they hear, Ren seems to be accepted into that small club, but it resulted into members leaving while others do not dare to join.

Somehow it stings a bit to hear such things about Ren, even though they had only met today and talked for less than a minute. Takumi feels that Ren doesn’t seem to be a bad person at first glance, and even if there is any truth to those rumours, he still wants to go back and watch Ren dancing on the rooftop.

* * *

It’s mostly his parents’ decision to relocate following a job transfer. At first Takumi doesn’t quite understand why they should do so. His mother tells him she wants to live closer to her parents – his maternal grandparents – to take care of them in their old age. But he thinks it also has to do with his older brother moving out of their family home to go to university. As it happened, Takumi graduated from middle school the same year. In other words, it is the perfect time to turn over a new leaf, but in his heart, Takumi has felt no need to turn over a new lead completely.

Although all his middle school friends ended up going separate ways, enrolling into different high schools, Takumi thinks their old neighbourhood and habits suit him just fine. Even now he feels it to the point that he wants to go back to his old city, but here he is, being the new guy in a town full of strangers.

Takumi finds it difficult to find his own place. He gets along with a few classmates, but not too many.

The best way to meet people with a similar interest is to join a club, his brother says.

He agrees.

Takumi has thought about joining the school’s baseball club but having sustained a wrist injury about a year ago, he is in doubt whether continuing to do his most beloved sport would be a good thing in the long run. Swinging bats and catching balls are simply too taxing on his wrist, which still hurt now and then.

So he puts it out of his mind, at least, until he meets Ren.

Somehow, he befriends Sato Keigo, who happens to be part of the dance club. The boy is the tallest boy in his class. Keigo is a bit of a joker and easy to get along with. Although he is in the infamous dance club, no one questions why, because Keigo is Keigo.

When Takumi asks why he joined that club despite the rumours about Ren, Keigo shrugs.

“I don’t care about that kind of stuff,” he says, “I just like dancing. How about you?”

Takumi ponders for a while.

“I don’t know. But I think I’ll like it.”

Except for some silly school dances, he never properly tried to dance. It was always something he admired from afar before he came to this school. Watching Ren on the roof has changed his mind a bit. There is something appealing about dancing that makes Takumi even more curious.

Maybe he should give it a try.

“Why don’t you give it a try?”

That question startles Takumi out of his daydream.

“What?”

Keigo frowns.

“You’ve been watching Ren on the rooftop.”

Takumi feels his cheeks going red for some reason.

Keigo continues, “So what’s that all about?”

“Well… I like seeing him dance.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“That’s all?”

“What do you mean?”

Keigo leans in.

“If that’s all, and you’re interested in dance. Why don’t you join us?”

“Kawashiri told you?”

“No, he told Junki who told me after hearing you’re in my class.”

“Junki?”

“Our vice-club prez.”

“Oh.”

“Well?”

“I’ll think about it.”

* * *

“I heard you’re joining our club.”

Takumi blinks.

Ren is stretching his leg next to the railing.

That is the first time Ren spoke to him ever since Takumi regularly escaped to the roof to watch the dance club member. They usually stand or sit a considerable distance away from the other, but now Ren is standing right beside him.

His voice sounds even softer now that he is within arm’s reach.

Takumi isn’t used to it.

“Why?” Ren says.

He shrugs.

“Because I want to.”

“You want to?”

“Because I want to dance like you.”

Ren watches him evenly.

“You could join a local dancing school instead.”

Takumi bites his lip.

“Is it that bad for you?” he says. “You don’t want me there?”

Ren blinks, then looks away from Takumi.

“It’s not like that. …You should think carefully.”

“I already did. I want to dance with Keigo,” Takumi says, “and, I want to dance beside you too.”

The other boy is silent, as if frozen into place, then relaxes his shoulders after a while.

“Alright.”

He turns around and starts to dance again.

Takumi breathes out. He stares down at his sweaty hands. Ren’s reaction puts his mind to rest. It’s alright for him to be there, with Ren and the others. He feels relieved that he had been accepted.

His gaze returns to the other boy again.

Something about the way Ren moves, calculated and smooth, pulls his entire attention. It is all passion despite the cold and silent front. Like a blue flame flickering in the night.

All Takumi wants is to be part of that flow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to those who voted in [my poll on twitter](https://twitter.com/rvrscp/status/1348059445847339008)! The winner is this fic, a Stargazer AU. I hope you'll enjoy it.
> 
> Originally this was written as a one shot, so the chapters will be fairly short.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first year passes by like a breeze and before Takumi knows it, it’s already the beginning of the second year.

The first year passes by like a breeze and before Takumi knows it, it’s already the beginning of the second year.

The days at the dance club are enjoyable, more so than Takumi expects. He had no idea dancing would be as much as fun as playing baseball. Takumi enjoys learning the basics and even the more challenging routines.

Somehow, dancing comes to Takumi like a fish swims in the water.

Junki tells him that he is envious of Takumi’s natural talent in dancing, even saying that he would be able to surpass Ren in a few years.

Takumi just laughs at him.

It’s nonsense, of course. There is no way he would ever become better or even on par with someone like Ren or Junki who had practiced for years.

“But you easily pulled off the things I was struggling on when I just started out,” Ren says after quietly listening to their conversation. “You’re amazing, really.”

Takumi’s mind goes blank after hearing that compliment. He has no time to respond because Ren heads into the hallway.

Junki seems amused by their interaction.

“Oh? I think he likes you.”

Takumi showed a lopsided smile.

“No way… we barely talk.”

Sho sat down beside Takumi.

“But you talk with your eyes,” he says.

Takumi blinks.

“What do you mean?”

“You watch each other a lot.”

Takumi flushes at once.

Ren has been watching him? Just the thought of it makes his stomach flutter.

Junki nods with satisfied grin.

“That’s right, Sho. I've never seen him care about a kouhai this much.”

Takumi gazes at Ren in the hallway. He is talking to Keigo.

Come to think of it, the other day he caught Ren glancing into his direction and then looking away, but Takumi had dismissed it as his own delusion at that time. Perhaps Ren was looking at him after all?

“Now that you mention it,” Sho says, “I think he has changed a lot since Takumi joined. Ren smiles more these days. He seems a lot happier.”

Junki winks at Takumi.

“See?”

That may have been true, but Takumi still has no idea what is going on behind that aloof expression. Occasionally he catches hints of Ren’s lighter personality. For example, Ren easily laughs, but he suppresses those quickly. As if something holds him back from enjoying the moment. Takumi wants to know more about what is going on inside of Ren.

However, there is hardly any progress in the friendship between them. Could it even be called a friendship? Takumi can only sigh and hope it improves in the second year.

* * *

The club members are gathered in the room when Sho breaks the news to them. His expression is strained. He urges them to sit down before hearing what he has to say.

“What’s wrong, Sho?” Ruki asks after everyone has gathered.

“It’s happening again,” Sho says, and sighs, “people are spreading rumours. I guess they want to make sure that the first years won’t join our club.”

The air turns heavy at that very moment. Takumi has no idea how to react.

Junki slams a fist on the table.

“Damn.”

Ren slowly rises from his seat.

“How about I’ll leave?”

Takumi looks up in shock at him.

What?

Their gazes meet for a moment, but then Ren stares away from the others and fixates his gaze on the door.

Junki rises and grabs Ren’s arm.

“No!” he says, “Stay with us. None of this is your fault. We need you here. Please.”

Ren shakes Junki’s hand off.

“If all it does is hurt everyone, then…”

He is about to walk out, but the club president stops him.

“The rumour isn’t just about you,” Sho says.

Ren petrifies.

“What?”

“It’s about us too,” Sho says, “people are saying we’re all part of that gang. Not just you, Ren.”

Takumi widens his eyes. What. How can this be…

By that point everyone panics.

Ruki gasps.

“No way!” Keigo exclaims.

Ren’s expression falls apart. He hides his face behind his hand.

Junki squeezes his shoulder.

“So, there’s no point in leaving on your own, Ren. We might as well disband.”

“Yeah! I don’t have anywhere else to go,” Keigo says.

“I’ll stay put as well,” Ruki says, crossing his leg. “I’m not joining any other club if they’re the ones putting us through this mess.”

Takumi agrees.

“Me too. I want to keep dancing with you all.”

Junki smirks. “That means we’re all in this together.”

“Ren. We’d like to stay together,” Sho says, “That means you are included.”

“I…”

Ren’s face has turned deathly pale, but eventually he nods.

“Alright,” he says softly, “I’ll stay.”

“Great!” Junki says, wrapping a firm arm around his shoulder. “We’ll try our hardest to get new members no matter what.”

* * *

Later, Takumi finds Ren sitting alone on the bench in the locker room. He is hunched over and looking down at the floor. Takumi watches him for a moment before entering the room.

Ren had not said a word during the practice, even though Junki and Sho continually reassured him that he would remain welcome in the club. However, just by looking at his expression, Takumi knows that Ren is still feeling down about the entire ordeal.

He takes a breath and steps through the door opening.

“Ren.”

Ren doesn’t look up at him, but only bows his head even further until his bangs hide the expression of his eyes.

“Takumi…”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m… so… sorry.”

Takumi stops in front of him.

“What are you sorry for?”

Ren’s answer is barely audible.

“I… I’m just ruining it for everyone.”

“Because of the rumours?”

The boy nods.

“Junki said it wasn’t your fault.”

Ren smiles weakly.

“That’s what he always says.”

“But…”

He shakes his head.

Takumi sighs and sits down next to him. He puts a hand on his shoulder and Ren tenses up at the touch.

“Ren.”

“Please, Takumi,” he says, “leave me alone.”

His voice is shaky.

“I won’t. I’ll stay beside you,” Takumi says, “until you tell me what’s wrong.”

Ren covers his face with his hands.

“I just… I can handle those rumours about myself, if—" He lets out a sob. “— if it’s just me, but now everyone is—”

Takumi puts his arm around Ren’s shoulders and pulls him closer. Somehow he feels much smaller this way despite being a bit taller than Takumi.

“We’ll be fine, Ren.”

“I bet everyone hates me. I shouldn’t even be here. I’m in the way—”

“No.” Takumi grips his shoulder tightly. “That’s not true at all.”

But Ren shakes his head again.

“Believe me,” Takumi says, “we all appreciate you. Keigo, Ruki, I – We improved because you helped us.”

“You don’t know.” Ren takes a shaky breath. “What they feel—”

Takumi lets out a sigh.

“Well, same goes for you, right? You don’t know what I feel about you.”

There is a long silence.

At that moment Takumi regrets his choice of words. Whatever he feels for the boy beside him is something he keeps close to his heart. If Ren asks him—

Ren stops and turns to face him with a pale expression.

“Don’t tell me.”

Takumi feels his heart drop – he doesn’t understand.

“Ren?”

This time, it’s Ren who covers his own mouth.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—” he begins to say.

Takumi is at a loss of what to do and looks down at his hands.

His heart is in turmoil. He has no idea what is going on with Ren. His behaviour has suddenly changed, as if he became embarrassed rather than being upset with the rumours.

“Ren…” Takumi tries again. His throat feels parched. “Why shouldn’t I tell you what I feel for you…”

Ren looks away from him.

“I don’t… I don’t want to know.”

There is a heavy silence between.

Takumi swallows uneasily, and finally takes his arm off Ren’s shoulders.

The distance, even though they are so close, suddenly feels unbearable, and Takumi begins to regret his action. With some hesitation, he puts his hand on Ren’s knee. Takumi has an idea how Ren is feeling, and realizes he is feeling it too.

He is scared.

They are both scared.

“I understand…” he says, “but it’s something you need to know.”

Ren remains silent, but he nods.

Takumi gives his knee a gentle squeeze and braces himself for what is to come.

“I don’t hate you, Ren.”

He takes a deep breath and turns to face Ren. With his other hand, he takes the side of Ren’s jaw and turns his head so that they were face to face.

Ren’s eyes are pink, and his cheeks are stained with remnants of tears.

“I like you,” Takumi says with an earnest expression, “I like you a lot.”

Ren blinks. His mouth falls open slightly.

“Eh?”

Takumi feels his cheeks flare up.

“I’m in love with you, so—” He takes another deep breath. “I want to stay with you.”

Then Takumi presses his lips closed, evades Ren’s wide-eyed stare, and withdraws his arms to his side. His heart is racing.

Oh god, what has he done?

Ren is silent for a long time, too long.

Takumi can’t handle it but continues to stare at the floor, waiting for a response.

“But—” Ren finally says. “You don’t know me.”

His heart lurches.

Of course not, they barely even talk.

“Takumi, you don’t know what you’re getting into.”

Is he going to—

“Does that mean…” Takumi can’t finish his sentence. He is about to break into tears. Maybe this was a stupid decision after all.

But then Ren turns and pulls him closer, until Takumi rests his chin on his shoulder and is able to smell his deodorant.

“Ren?”

“Of course, we don’t know each other,” Ren says, as if addressing what he had just said, “but that’s fine. What I want to say is that I just need more time. That’s all.”

Takumi nods into his shoulder. A sense of relief washes over him.

“It’s okay,” he says, “it’s okay. I’ll wait for you.”

Ren hugged him tightly.

“Thank you.”

They can take their time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell this was originally written in past tense?   
> I'm trying present tense for this fic, but as you can see I'm not very good at it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s like Ren awakened a fire within him and it’s burning brighter than ever before.

Whether by the collective effort in trying to prove the club is ‘clean’ or the sheer ridiculousness of the rumours in the first place, the gossip subsides, and they manage to recruit a few boys who are willing to join the dance club. Overall, the number of new members is less than what they initially expected, but the seniors did not complain; Sho, Junki and Ren want this club to have some sort of future after they graduate from the school.

While they are supposed to focus on exams in their final year, Sho and Junki are passionate as usual, planning for their dance performances at school events, while Ren quietly supports them from the back. The other members, including Takumi, follow their seniors’ directions diligently so that they can take over the baton one day.

Takumi doesn’t particularly look forward to the graduation. He only has a short amount of time left to spend with Ren and he wants to make the most of it. Ever since their talk, Ren has shown slow improvements in being more open to communicating with him. Takumi is relieved that they are getting to know each other at last and spending some time together. Even if it is only studying or walking the same way home. There is at least some kind of rapport between them, rather than the previous awkward silences.

Despite the ambiguity, the change in their relationship doesn’t go unnoticed by the other club members. It becomes obvious that Ren is being visibly more affectionate with Takumi than before. He has become gentle, to the point that Ren spoils him like no other. Junki and Ruki took this opportunity to tease this new Ren, who in turn attempts to ignore the busybodies.

Takumi loves this side of Ren, but at the same time it was frustrating. They aren’t lovers, but not exactly friends either. He knows in his heart that Ren likes him back, or at least seems to be open to Takumi’s feelings, but…

He wants more.

It’s like Ren awakened a fire within him and it’s burning brighter than ever before. Takumi craves for more of Ren. He finds himself daydreaming about him. He wants to hold, touch, and kiss Ren.

But they are at a stalemate.

And Ren is the only one who can break it.

It’s difficult, but Takumi reminds himself to be patient as Ren slowly crawls out of the bad place he was in, and for now, they both need to focus on the first dance event that they would perform with the new members.

However, Ren’s recovery suddenly comes to a grinding halt with an unexpected confrontation on the roof. Takumi can only watch everything unfold on the side lines.

He was too shocked to react.

* * *

Takumi follows Sho and Junki into the clubroom.

The club has wrapped up a long talk with the first years to clear up the misunderstanding. It wasn’t entirely successful. Although most boys accepted Ren’s explanation, that the gang leader is someone who happens to look like him, Mamehara is still adamant that Ren was responsible for beating them up. After the meeting was dismissed, they still had afternoon classes to attend, but Takumi finds out that Ren has left immediately. It seems he was no longer in the mood to attend any of the afternoon classes.

“Takumi, are you okay?” Sho says, when he notices him at the door.

“I’m fine… It’s just, I heard Ren skipped his classes. I’m worried.”

Junki sighs.

“Yeah, he did. Don’t worry. He’ll be at home.”

Sho nods.

“Why don’t you check up on him, Takumi?”

“Me?”

“You guys got closer recently… so.”

“But I…”

Junki looks him in the eyes.

“Are you afraid?”

Takumi blinks.

“What do you mean?”

“How much has Ren told you?”

“Well.” Takumi frowns. “Not much, really. I only know that he’s not involved with that gang. I don’t know what Mamehara and the others have seen, but I believe in Ren.”

Sho looks relieved.

“That’s good.”

“That might be the case,” Junki says, “It’s true it’s not Ren, but you should know…”

“Know what?”

Junki sits down.

“He’s not unrelated to that gang, and neither am I.”

“What happened?”

“You should ask Ren. It’s not my place to speak for him,” Junki says, heaving a sigh. “Just know it’s all my fault that the whole mess started in the first place. Don’t ever blame Ren.”

Takumi nods.

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”

“I know, I’ll be fine.” Junki continues. “But Ren is… He got so much better recently. I was so happy. I thought he would finally stop living that lonely life, so…” He looks at Sho. “Let me find a way to make it right. There’s something I need to do.”

“Junki…” Sho said. “It’s dangerous.”

“I know, but it has to be done. We can’t let this go on any longer. If that guy insists on assaulting our club members because of a grudge, then let’s settle it as soon as possible.”

Sho lets out a sigh.

“How do you intend to go about that?”

“We’ll confront him again.”

“But what if another fight starts?” Takumi makes a nervous smile. “I never fought anyone in my life before.”

“Takumi is right. The only thing we can do is dance, we’ll lose for sure if we against them,” Sho says, “You’re out of your mind.”

Junki smiles.

“Just trust me.”

Sho gives him a long look before throwing up his hands.

“Well, it’s not like I can stop you.”

“Thanks Sho.”

“Then, about Ren… how do we deal with him?”

Junki grabs a sheet of paper off the table, then hands it over to Takumi.

“I’ll leave him to you.”

* * *

Takumi steps in the front of the door and rings the doorbell.

His heart is pounding as he waits for any signs of people in the house. He has never been to Ren’s home before and to show up unannounced is not his usual way of doing things.

His biggest fear is that Ren might not let him in to talk, or worse, not even open the door, but to his relief Takumi hears some footsteps heading into his way.

The door opens and Ren blinks at him through the gap.

“Takumi?”

Clearly, he did not expect Takumi to come.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Takumi adjusts the headband on his forehead. “Um, can I come in?”

“Of course.”

Ren opens the door to let him in.

The hallway is faintly lit with light, and mostly empty save for a pair of shoes Takumi recognizes. It seems Ren is alone at home at the moment.

“You left early,” Takumi says, handing over the sheet of paper he received from Junki. It’s a handout from the chemistry class that Ren had skipped this afternoon. “I was told to take this to you.”

“Ah, thanks.” Ren gives it a glance and then looks at Takumi again. “From Junki, right? He even added some notes.”

Takumi nods.

As Ren examines the sheet the more closely, he shifts uncomfortably where he stands, biting on his lip. Takumi isn’t sure what to do now so he waits patiently until Ren finishes reading.

When Ren puts the paper down, he looks at Takumi.

“Um… You want to talk to me, right?”

Takumi nods. He is grateful that Ren is at least in the mood to receive him.

“Yes…”

“Let’s talk in my room,” Ren says. “Would you like something to drink?”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want to bother you too much.”

“Really, it’s fine.”

Takumi shakes his head. He doesn’t want to impose on him too much.

“Alright.”

Ren leads him upstairs to a room at the end of the corridor.

The room is dark when they enter, and Ren pulls the curtain open to let the light in from the window. There is a low table in the middle and a bunkbed against a wall. The lower bed is slightly unkempt, as if someone just got up from their sleep, while the upper bed was empty without even a blanket. The other walls are undecorated.

Takumi likes how clean the bedroom is, but somehow it feels rather plain and lacking in personality. He cannot discern any other interests or hobbies Ren might have by the things in the room.

Ren gestures Takumi to sit down on the floor by the lower table. When they sit down, it turns silent again. Takumi has no idea how to start the conversation, and neither seems Ren. Involuntarily he gazes at the bed behind Ren.

“Did I interrupt your nap?”

Ren turns to look at the bed as well.

“Ah no, I was just thinking about things…”

“About what happened today?”

“Well…” Ren sighs. “Including that.”

“I see.”

There is another long and uncomfortable pause that makes Takumi’s palms sweat, but thankfully, Ren sits straight up and takes the initiative to resume the conversation.

“Junki sent you here. Did you hear anything from him? About me.”

Takumi gulps.

He tries to recall what happened earlier on the day, but he feels it’s still hard to put it into words.

“Well… at the meeting he told us all that the gang leader happened to look like you, but after you left…” Takumi takes a breath. “Junki said he and you do have connections to that gang.”

Ren gives a nod.

“I sided with Junki and hurt him.”

“Him? That gang leader?”

“My brother.” Ren glances down at his feet. “He’s my brother.”

Takumi takes a moment to digest that information. He expected something along those lines. A relative or maybe even a brother. He understands why Junki and Ren are keeping that information from the people at school. It wouldn’t do any of them good if word came out that one of the club members had family relations to that gang.

“That’s why they mistook him for you.”

“Yes,” Ren says, “I don’t know what Junki told you. How much has he…”

“He told me to ask you for the full story.”

“I see.” Ren smiles a little. “Junki is… he is my best friend. We all danced together as kids. Me and my brother. When we were little, Junki caused my brother to fall from a high place.” He sighs. “I saw it happen; it was an accident.”

“But… your brother didn’t forgive him.”

The smile fades from Ren’s eyes.

“Due to his injuries he’s unable to walk properly again. He started to hate anything related to dancing. It makes him feel miserable to be reminded of the things he can no longer do.” Ren bites his lip. “I’m supposed to be the person who knows exactly how he feels because we share the same blood, but… He believes that Junki caused all his misery, his inability to dance any more, but I… I chose to side with my friend over my own brother.”

“Ren…”

He gave Takumi a wry smile.

“Do you think I’m a bad person for doing this?”

“I…” Takumi starts, trying to find his words, but he is unable to give comforting words.

Ren just sighs and bows his head even further down, becoming an even smaller figure, as if he wasn’t able to withstand the sunlight coming from the window.

“I don’t know you as well as your brother, or Junki,” Takumi finally says, “but I know your heart is in the right place.”

“Really…”

“Yeah.” Takumi believes it. Ren may feel guilty about siding with Junki, but he is not a bad person. “And I think I’m starting to understand why you’ve been like this all the time…”

“You do?”

Takumi nods.

“Up until now it feels like you’re holding back on everything. Holding back on enjoying your own life because your family is unable to. Your brother chose his own way to deal with his situation, but that’s still no reason to not live by choosing a different path.”

Ren blinks at him.

“Takumi…”

“Am I right?”

Ren nods slowly.

“You know me better than I’d expected.”

Takumi smiles.

“Well, whatever happens, I’ll be there for you.”

Ren wipes his face with his sleeve.

“Thanks… I needed to hear that,” he says, “I’m always confronted by my brother in the daily life, no matter where I go, so it’s difficult to let go of him.”

Takumi understands because he also had a sibling, but the bond Ren has with his brother seems even thicker.

“You must have been really close to him.”

“We used to be.” Ren’s expression softens a little. The mood finally seems to grow lighter. “I guess I should try to do something for myself for once.”

Takumi smiles.

“Is there anything you want to do, Ren?”

“Huh?”

“To take your mind off the recent situation, for example.”

“Anything?” Ren asks.

“Yeah, don’t hold back.”

He cups his chin while thinking of something.

“Actually, I wanted to make things up to you.”

Takumi blinks.

“Me?”

Ren looks away from him.

“I mean, I’ve… made you wait for a long time, right?”

Takumi fell silent for a second. Ren has been thinking about that too?

“Uh, I guess. I just didn’t want to press you that much…”

“I know.” Ren suddenly moves closer. “I wanted to thank you for that.”

He wraps his arms around Takumi, burying his head into his shoulder.

Takumi stiffens in his embrace.

“Um… I didn’t do anything, really.”

“I know you’ve been worried for me,” Ren says. His voice is warm in his ears and Takumi feels his face grow hot. Ren smells good. Not like the favourite sea breeze deodorant he uses during dance practices, but more like the comfort of his own home. “Thank you for staying by my side.”

Not knowing what to do with his arms, Takumi places his hands on Ren’s back. He can feel the lean back muscles under the thin fabric of his shirt.

Is this really happening?

“Um, I just… want you to be okay.”

Ren chuckles.

“I’m fine. Really. I’ve been doing so much better. I feel like I can face the world again with you beside me.” Ren pulls a bit away to stare directly at Takumi’s face. His eyes are soft, and his lips show a kind smile. He is so close that Takumi can feel the warmth of his breath. “So, I don’t want us to wait anymore.”

His mind goes blank instantly.

Before Takumi can form a reply, Ren leans forward and presses his lips on Takumi’s left cheek. It was so soft that Takumi could barely register it.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot,” Ren whispers in his ear. “I want to spend more time with you.”

Takumi feels the smile on his face growing wider. He can’t feel any happier than hearing this directly from Ren.

“Me too… me too.”

Ren sits back again and returns a warm smile.

“I’m glad you still feel the same.”

Takumi laughs a little.

“Of course I do.”

“I’m just sorry about making you wait. It’s not that I didn’t want to, because I’ve always liked you.”

That’s news to him.

“You did?”

“Yeah.” Ren leans his elbows on his legs as he scratches his temple. “Ever since we met, I thought you were cute.”

Takumi frowns.

“Since then already? I didn’t figure it out myself until much later.”

Ren chuckles.

“Yeah, I know what I like. You’re exactly my type, but…”

“But?”

Ren drops his hands down.

“At that time I felt like I didn’t deserve happiness, so I tried to ignore my feelings.”

Takumi puts his hand on Ren’s knee and smiles.

“Ren, let’s be happy from now on. Be a little more selfish.”

“Yeah.”

He leans forward and in a moment of bravery he presses a kiss against Ren’s mouth.

Ren freezes up a little, but he soon responds in kind, letting Takumi link his arms around him. Feeling heat rising in his chest, Takumi moves closer to Ren’s body until he has fully embraced him. His lips are soft and warm. It felt just right. Ren curls his fingers at the back of his head, encouraging more access to his mouth, then he brushes his tongue against Takumi’s lips.

It gives Takumi a bit of a shock and he involuntarily pulls away.

“Ah.”

Ren frowns.

“You don’t like it?”

“It’s wet.”

“It’s supposed to be wet.”

“I know. It’s just unexpected, sorry about—”

“No, it’s fine. I won’t do it anymore if you want to.”

“I don’t mind. We can try again.” Takumi lets out a nervous laugh. “I’m sorry for being so bad at it.”

Ren scratched the back of his head.

“Well, …I don’t think it was bad for our first kiss.”

“You too?”

“Um yeah. I mean, I just wasn’t—” Ren trails off and then a frown forms on his face. “Wait, that was your first kiss? You, with that face?”

Takumi raises an eyebrow at him.

“What. No one was interested in me, and I was too obsessed with baseball.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not. I mean, who wants to date a bald guy?”

Ren stares at him, as if trying to imagine Takumi without his hair.

“I’d date you even if you were bald.”

Takumi can’t help but grin.

“That’s the most romantic thing anyone ever said to me.”

Ren laughs back at him and pulls Takumi’s headband off. His red bangs drop down to cover his eyes, so he pushes them aside.

He should cut his hair one of these days.

“You’re so handsome… Takumi.”

“When you say things like that, I never know what to say.”

Ren nestles closer to him.

“Hmm. What more can I do to make you feel—”

It doesn’t take much, Takumi thinks, to make up for the long wait. He already feels like he’s in heaven when Ren kisses him again. Ren’s touch is so addictive; the more body contact the better, so without thinking Takumi pushes Ren down on the floor and stares at the sight of Ren’s hazy eyes looking up at him.

Takumi feels embarrassed about wanting Ren’s touch so much, but Ren is already tugging him down.

“Come on.”

What are you waiting for, Takumi, you want him right?

“Ren, I… what if—”

“I know, there’s not much time,” Ren says. His eyes wander to the clock on the wall. “Just. Give me a moment to make it up to you.”

Takumi yields and returns into Ren’s embrace, and the warmth of his mouth. He stays on top of Ren for a while, until Ren rolls Takumi over on his back.

Takumi breathes harder as Ren eagerly roams his hands down his body, under his shirt and tugging at his belt. His fingers tickle at his stomach and Takumi shivers, letting out a quiet laugh.

“I’m sorry,” Ren mutters. “but let’s not make this too long. My family will be back soon.”

Even though Ren has said those words, something in his voice tells Takumi that he doesn’t want to stop.

“S-stop apologizing about everything,” Takumi says as he runs a hand through Ren’s hair. “I heard enough already.”

Ren doesn’t respond, but only presses wet kisses against his jawline. His slender fingers feel good against his skin. Takumi lets out a groan. It felt right, but it was unfair that this moment was too short for them to enjoy.

Because, when would the next time be?

Eventually they drag themselves out of the room and into the hallway. Ren insists he must leave. Obviously, he doesn’t want to explain Takumi’s presence in the house. Takumi has heard that Ren doesn’t bring friends home, not even Junki, Sho or other classmates, so explaining his presence would be quite a hassle.

However, he can’t quite let go of Ren and keeps holding onto his shirt as they walk to the entrance.

Ren sighs.

“You’re so clingy, Takumi.”

Takumi sticks out his tongue.

“That’s what you get for kicking me out.”

Ren snorts and reaches for the handle to open the door, but before he can do so, there’s the sound of a key turning in the door.

Takumi lets go of him in a panic.

The door opens and reveals a boy dressed in black standing in the entrance. He is holding a walking cane in one of his hands. Takumi feels a chill run down his spine.

So this guy is the one who...

Takumi remembers the scars on the face of Mamehara and the other juniors and he tries hard to supress his emotions boiling under the surface.

Because this is still Ren’s brother.

The hood and mask partially cover the boy’s hair and face, but his eyes are still clearly visible. Takumi’s breath hitches when their gazes meet.

_People say they’ve seen those same eyes in the dark alleys._

He’s not just a brother, Takumi realizes. They’re twins.

“Where have you been all night? What have you done?” Ren says. His voice is firm, no longer gentle. “Mom and I, all of us were worried about you.”

The boy shrugs, rolling his eyes, then looks at Takumi again. His stare makes Takumi want to crawl in a hole somewhere.

“Who’s this?”

It was the same voice, but it had a cold feeling to it.

“A junior.”

“From your club? I haven’t seen him before.”

Ren doesn’t answer; his lips are pressed tight.

“Whatever,” he says, then pushes past Ren and Takumi into the hallway.

Takumi turns his head to look at the boy going up the staircase and entering a room close to the end of the stairs. The boy feels starkly out of place in this home, and Takumi can’t help but wonder how the brothers have been living together for so long like this.

When Takumi looks back at Ren, he finds a troubled expression on Ren’s face. He is staring at the pair of black shoes in front of him. Obviously, Ren has mixed feelings about whatever happened last night.

“Are you okay?”

Ren sighs.

“It’s always like this,” he says as he holds the door open for Takumi. “I’ll be fine.”

A weak smile appears on his face.

“See you tomorrow, Takumi.”

* * *

When Takumi gets home, he’s right in time to join dinner with his family but his mind is far removed from his parents’ conversation.

The dinner is ordinary as usual, and it reminds him of when his older brother used to sit at the table before he moved out. They would talk about school, baseball, and other topics like any other family; it makes Takumi wonder how Ren and his brother are doing.

Would they still sit and eat together at the table together?

What do they talk about at those moments?

It’s all a mystery to him.

When Takumi returns to his room, he sits down on his bed immediately. Today had been exhausting and he is in no mood to start his homework.

The only thing on his mind is Ren.

There is no way Ren can keep hiding his twin from this world. Not to mention that Junki is about to make his move too. There is no way he, no, any of them can sit still from now on. Takumi has a feeling it would result into another violent confrontation with the gang.

It can’t be helped, Takumi thinks, and if it comes down do it, he will put his own fist to use.

He wraps the blanket around him and takes slow breaths. He needs to calm down. There is no point in worrying about these things right now. All he can do is stay strong for the one he loves.

That’s all that matters.

He closes his eyes and imagines he’s back on Ren’s floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went on for way too long, but you probably don't mind, heh.  
> Anyway, the next chapter is more like an epilogue, and a great deal shorter than this one, so expect it very soon. 😁


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bright lights from the lampposts shine down upon them like stars hanging down from the dark sky.

The bright lights from the lampposts shine down upon them like stars hanging down from the dark sky.

After parting ways with the others, Ren and Takumi are on the way home from their high school. Their uniforms are dirty with mud and drenched in sweat. They stink badly and Takumi tries not to think of how his parents are going to scold him for getting into a fight with the local gang members.

“You know, I finally found what I want to do,” Ren says, nudging Takumi’s arm with his elbow. “Maybe I’ve been wanting this for a long time, but I just couldn’t bring myself to work to it. I felt guilty all along, for getting away from that incident without an injury, and my brother – seeing how I still got along with Junki. He just couldn’t take it. I could only regret not staying by his side.”

“But you didn’t survive without gaining a scar,” Takumi says.

“Huh?”

“Because you were carrying so much pain.”

“Hmm. Maybe.”

“But it’s great that you finally took a step forward.”

“I guess so.” Ren stops beneath a lamppost. “It’s all thanks to you, Takumi.”

“Me?”

“I just needed a star to look at, a bright light who could guide me out of my misery,” he says, “You’re one.”

Takumi blinks.

“Do you mean I’m… a star?”

The other returns a smile.

“There are many stars in the sky, but some burn brighter than the others. It’s like that for me.”

“That’s an interesting analogy…”

“Well, it made me think I could be like that for others too.”

“You mean your brother.”

Ren nods.

“I realized I didn’t want to follow my brother’s misery, and I wanted to be a light instead. Perhaps I can’t be the one who pulls him out of that darkness, but—"

“It’s better than nothing,” Takumi says, “One day he’ll find his way back, and all of us can help the two of you.”

“Thanks, it means a lot to me.”

They reach the point where they are supposed to part, and Takumi stops and turns to look at Ren.

Despite his battle worn appearance, Ren is smiling. His expression is radiating a brightness that wasn’t there before.

Takumi wishes from the bottom of his heart that Ren’s brother would one day smile like that beside them too.

* * *

Ren tears himself away from Takumi’s lap at once and makes a deep bow in apology. His boyfriend mirrors his action quite immediately.

“I can’t believe you of all people would do this.”

Sho is in the doorway and stares at the pair in the changing room. Mame and Shion stand next to him with a flushed face. Behind them someone is holding back their laughter. Ren can recognize that voice from anywhere.

“This isn’t the place to make out with anyone,” Sho continues. “Leave it out of the club.”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t…” Takumi mutters, while looking like he wants to crawl into the nearest hole. “We weren’t thinking at all.”

Sho lets out a deep sigh.

“Apology accepted, but you will still have to receive a punishment.”

“What!” Ren

Takumi’s shoulders deflate.

“Um, can we go now?” Shion says, shifting his eyes at the pair. “I don’t want to… intrude too much.”

Mame nods.

“Yeah, let’s grab our bags quickly.”

As soon as they get what they came for, the two flee out of the changing room and out of the way of the older club members.

“Three rounds around the school, then come back here,” Sho says as he folds his arms. Junki appears beside him while still attempting to suppress his laugh.

“Well, Sho,” Junki says, “You lost that bet of mine. They were dating all along.”

“For god’s sake, stop rubbing it in,” Sho says pulling out his wallet to count his losses.

“Is this why we’re receiving a punishment? We haven’t done anything wrong,” Ren says. “I can’t believe you, Sho.”

However, a red-faced Takumi pulls at his arm.

“It’s fine. I need to cool down for a bit anyway.”

Ren lets out a sigh. It seems like his boyfriend was too embarrassed to stand around here and talk.

“Alright. I’ll catch up with you soon.”

Takumi nods and runs off at once.

Sho shoves a couple of bills into Junki’s hand.

“Junki will treat us all to a burgers after this,” he says, slightly smirking. “I’ll be waiting outside.”

“Hey!” Junki protests.

Sho shrugs and walks away.

“Burgers?“ Ren perks up.

Junki scratches the back of his head.

“That new burger joint that opened recently. Me and Sho were interested in going there…” His voice trails off. “Takumi likes burgers, right?”

Ren clears his throat.

“Um yeah… he does.”

“Everyone already went home, so how about the two of you come along…?”

“Of course.”

“Great!” Junki smiles widely. “Also, I’m happy for you. Really happy.”

Ren returns a warm smile.

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a good ride guys, but I'll be dropping present tense like a hot potato. 😄 The struggle is real, so I'll be going back to comfy past tense for now. Anyway, thanks for reading! See you in the next fic. 🍔


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